In Review

Sundays are always difficult. Odd for a day that is supposed to be for rest and repose. I always miss my kids and grandkids. Sunday seems to be a day for looking back and taking stock. Sometimes when I take stock I want to beat my head against a wall. I feel like a big fist landed smack in the middle of my family sending them to the four winds. I know that on a regular basis they would drive me nuts but to have them in the room all of them at the same time, for just a Sunday, would be heaven.

After the riots in '92 I left L.A. with my 12 year old son. My son is black and I am white and in an effort to be a good parent I thought leaving Cali would be a good thing. In L.A. I watched my neighborhood be torn apart by rioting and it had made me very jumpy. We ran to the Northwest and were quick to become as good as natives to the area. I met a guy that was in a bad marriage and helped him through his divorce. Once he had his divorce (took 3 years) and he was a free man I found out that I had Breast Cancer. He dumped me during my Chemo and married the woman he had been dating on the side. While ending my Cancer treatments with radiation my son's best friend was murdered and we had to grieve a young person's death. While all this was going on I attended school and somehow managed to get my B.A. degree. I did Radiation in the morning and drive 30 miles to school afterwards.

After sweet Willie's death my son was never the same. He got wilder and spent more time running the streets. I had tried like hell before I got sick to chase after him but once I got sick I was just physically unable. I believe I somehow lost him... He got himself in trouble and got a 3 and a half year ride out of it. This was worse than Cancer. To this day I am not sure how I got through it. I love my son like air and he is my heart. Is it only the mother that bleeds when her son goes to prison? I wonder.

I suppose there are many that would say that my son deserved what he got but I have many questions with that view. My son finished high school, was on the football team, worked, and had a child. He never so much as had a ticket. How did this happen? Upon my son's release he got a job the same day. He worked at that job for a year and a half. He then got an even better job making more money that me. He supports his children and does everything he can to make up for his absence in their lives.

Now we are through it but the heaviness of our past clings to us. I am amazed that I just put this in text and even considered publishing it. This is stuff that you hide from folks much less put it in a journal or publish it on a blog. But I think that somewhere I need a voice and even though things have been ugly I dare someone to take a good look. Sinlge mothers are now the rule, not the exception. We, my son and I, like many others are the fallout. I become very sad when I see other young people going through it......so many train wrecks about to happen.

My son and I are doing fairly well now although he got laid off, I am sure he will find something. Hard workers have a tendency to get hired. I have always been an artist dabbling in some form of expression and have a degree in Production. I like to tell stories and write scripts. Not that I have much of a chance to do that. Ah well .... maybe one day. ~~Good Sunday to all.~~Storm